The past few months have been extremely rough. Not feeling any of it today…but I’m trying.
I fainted today. I literally woke up on the bathroom floor and wasn’t sure how long I’d been there. All I remembered was having to get out of the shower because I felt super lightheaded and my vision was getting blurry. As soon as I got out I went down. I couldn’t get up for like twenty minutes. I still feel super weak and my head just doesn’t feel right. It feels heavy and full.
Not sure what’s going on…but I hate it. Ugh.
I just finished a whole dark chocolate with almonds and sea salt bar and I’m not even sorry. Yet.
Well I’ve hit 27 and I’m not sure how I feel about it other than the fact that I feel like now I’m really on the countdown to 30. However, I made it this far…and I definitely think 27 is going to be better than 26, because 26 was a bitch.
Basically the best Saturday night date I’ve had in over a month.
Guys you need to step up your game.
Still keeping the cookie butter though. :)
We approve of Linda’s math calculations.
Stupid question of the day…
Do I accept the invitation to have coffee with the guy that broke my heart two mouths ago? Or do I tell him to kiss my butt and just keep trying to get on?
Unfortunately our situation was super complicated, but he still screwed me over. I’m confused.
I feel like crap and my body aches all over. All I want right now is a bath tub deep enough to soak in and relax. Instead I’m going to take a muscle relaxer and get in bed. Ughhh.
I’m breaking today. In a way that hasn’t happened in years and it’s scaring the hell out of me. I feel like I’ve grown so strong and buried so many feelings. Today I’m cracking.
Still caring about you seems like such a waste of time. Unfortunately, I still let myself and we still talk. Things haven’t been resolved, yet I feel like there is no easy answer.
Honestly, most days are a lot easier than today. I’m sure I’ll be fine tomorrow and you’ll be put back in the place I keep you in.
I can hear the rain pouring down outside. It reminds me of the crazy rain and thunderstorm back in September. It was raining so hard as I was driving to your house I could barely see and there were so many flashes of lightening it lit up the entire night sky. As I finally made it to your house the rain was starting to slow but I ran up to your door, trying to dodge the final raindrops. It’s like you were waiting for me and heard my car because the door swung open before I even knocked and there you were…messy dark curls and honestly I remember your gray eyes were piercing that night. You were wearing your grey and black stripped hoodie, the one I saw you in more times than not…that I knew probably smelled of you even freshly washed, and those black pajama that barely hung around your waist. I remember I loved it when you would wear those damn pants, because they would fall around your hips just so. I know it sounds funny but every time you’d get up and walk across the room I’d think about how cute you walked and how much I liked the way those pants hung on you. Such a silly, foolish, adoration.
We turned off all the lights in the living room as we were cuddling on the couch, waiting for every flash of lightening. As the flashes got more intense we stepped outside on your back porch and watched as the night sky lit up continuously. I looked over at you and you were smiling, it was small smile, but such a content one. As I looked back up at the sky you reached over and grabbed my hand, it was strange how such a small, simple gesture made my stomach tighten in the best way. I had to talk you out of going for a walk. I apologized that I was still overly nervous about your epilepsy but you smiled, said it was okay and kissed me.
That night we kissed for hours, your touch soft and mindful. Every minute was absolute bliss, as cliche as it sounds. Later, as we relaxed on the couch, I noticed just how late it was and I mumbled something about eventually going home and you tightened your grip on my hand. I still think of the way you stroked my hair back and kissed my forehead, asking me to stay a little longer. It was the first time you had made any intimate gestures other than kissing and hugging. I loved it. I felt things inside me unfurling that I hadn’t felt in years.
I left that night so hopeful. So happy as you kissed me and asked me to call you when I got home.
I wanted you so much then. I still want you.